for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
