You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Im part way to drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize