no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
