So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
