Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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