i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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