At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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