I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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