i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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