I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize