insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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