Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize