took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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