Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
