Welp...herpes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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