Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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