you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just high enough for therapy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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