No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
