i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
