her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
