All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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