I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
