i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
