i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
