4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize