just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
