And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I came so hard my ears popped.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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