May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
