I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
