You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
