hell yes lets make some ravioli
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
50% drunk capacity currently
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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