i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
