Apparently you make a good broom.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
