then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
