It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
