we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
