I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
