just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
