so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize