they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
