ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
