i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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