also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
