After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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