We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
