I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
