I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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