My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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