Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
