I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
look no pants
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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