party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
