I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
