Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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