idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
