Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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