I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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