he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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