he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
