but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
