I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you win again, gameday.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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