She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
