summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pooping to opera.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
