i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
