I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
