I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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