Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
