nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
