My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
