the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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