Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
