going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
