my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
