I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There are leaves in my underwear?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
