I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
